How to Create a Generic, Useless, Well Written Resume

How to Create a Generic, Useless, Well Written ResumeGeneric, Useless ResumeHow to Create a Generic, Useless, Well Written ResumeIn this line of work, I get to see lots and lots of resumes. Occasionally Ill see one thats so outstanding it would make a hiring manager weep tears of joy. On the otzu sich end of the spectrum you have the ones that are just baffling. (Dwight Schrutes resume would fall into the baffling category.)The resume writer strings together a lot of professional-sounding words, but fails to differentiate her/himself from any other Pat or Chris or Jamie on the street. The resume may seem impressive at first, butthen you realize its not really saying anything. Its likea restaurant that puts on a big fanfare, only to serve youan empty plate.Want to see what I mean? Below is a professional looking, typo-free resume that does zero, zilch, nada to define the applicants unique value. It could be describing you, me, or the guy sitting three rows behind you.________________ _____________PAT APPLICANT123 Main StreetSpringfield, US 12345555-444-3333patapplicantemail.comOBJECTIVEA challenging position in a dynamic, growth-oriented organization where creativity and innovation can contribute to the bottom lineSUMMARY OF QUALIFICATIONSExperienced professional with broad-based skills developed through education and on-the-job trainingEnergetic team player who is equally effective working independentlyProven record of meeting deadlines and staying within budgetOutstanding ability to respond to internal or external customer requestsExceptional communication and interpersonal skillsStrong Microsoft Word and other computer skillsWORK HISTORYSeptember 2005 - Present Management Assistant Acme Inc., Springfield, USPerform administrative duties in support of upper managementAssist with all aspects of department operationsKeep organized records of project statusCommunicate with customersFill in for absent employeesAugust 2003 - August 2005AssociateJones and Sons, Spri ngfield, USCompleted daily and weekly tasks assigned by direct teamberaterCollaborated on complex projectsDiscovered ways to streamline inefficient processesAcquired greater industry-specific knowledge over timeEDUCATION2003 Springfield High School, Springfield, US_____________________________OK, I think thats enough to make my point.This resume may look OK at first glance, but theres no context. Its all generic fluff. The words could have been written by anyone from a bookkeeper to a beekeeper. Exactly what job is this person qualified for? In what field? Manufacturing? Retail? Dry cleaning? Investment banking? Food service? Lifeguarding? We have no ideaAn effective, interview-worthy resume makes it easy for hiring managers to understand where youve worked, what you can do, and how your unique experiences and talents apply to their specific needs.If your resume looks anything like this useless, generic sample, youd better adjust your cap and settle in for a looooong job hunt.