5 ways to stay strong even when things get difficult

5 ways to stay strong even when things get difficult5 ways to stay strong even when things get difficultDealing with the unexpected is part of life, but knowing this doesnt make it any easier when youre going through a difficult time. Marc and Angel Chernoff, authors of the New York Times bestseller Getting Back to Happy, experienced this firsthand.About a decade ago, in a relatively short time frame, Angel and I dealt with several significant, unexpected losses and life changes, back-to-back We lost a sibling to suicide, a mutual best friend to cardiac arrest, and a breadwinning job, and had a family business failure (and reinvention), Marc Chernoff reveals. Those experiences were brutal, and enduring them in quick succession knocked us down and left us heartbroken for a long time.Chernoff says that after using unhealthy coping strategies like drinking alcohol and watching too much TV to deal with the pain and frustration, he and Angel realized that getting to a place where they wer e able to move forward emotionally and physically required real practice. Whether youre dealing with a job rejection, entrepreneurial challenges, heartbreak, or the loss of a loved one, these five strategies can help fortify you to forge ahead.1. Accept the hard realityChernoff believes that many people make themselves unhappy by refusing to accept whats happening in the present moment. Dont be one of them, he warns. Let go of your fantasies and know that letting go doesnt mean you dont care about someone or something anymora its just realizing that the only thing you have control over is yourself.To begin to foster acceptance of your circumstance, Chernoff suggests changing the way you see it. Sometimes, letting go is simply changing the labels you place on a situation, he says. Try to see it with fresh eyes and an open mind.2. Opt for an empowering responseSince youre in control of how you look at life, you can challenge yourself to find the lesson in whats happening or flip the s cript. In place of envy, feel admiration instead of worry, take action. In place of doubt, have faith, Chernoff suggests. Your response is always more powerful than your circumstance A tiny part of your life is decided by completely uncontrollable circumstances, while the majority of your life is decided by your responses.3. Be patientJust because youre struggling doesnt mean youre failing or that youll never be able to move forward in fact, personal growth comes from powering through challenging circumstances and overcoming obstacles. This happens one day at a time, one step at a time, Chernoff says. No matter what happens, no matter how far you seem to be away from where you want to be, never stop believing that you will make it. The next step is always worth taking.Chernoff also tells us that patience is about more than just waiting - its about your ability to keep a positive attitude and work hard on making progress. Do your best to adopt an unrelenting belief that things will work out, that the long road has a purpose, that the things you desire may not happen today, but they will happen, he advises.4. Try a positive ritualIts easy to get stuck in a rut, especially when hard things happen. However, what you do every day can bring change over time. Hard times make us want instant gratification, Chernoff notes. We want things to get better, and we want it better now. Unfortunately, this yearning often tricks us into biting off more than we can chew. Remind yourself that you cant lift a thousand pounds all at once, yet you can easily lift one pound a thousand times. Small, repeated, incremental efforts will get you there, through thick and thin.One way to take small, consistent actions is by adopting a positive ritual such as writing affirmations, carving out time for a walk each day, or phoning a friend twice a week. If youre still feeling down, be sure to consult with your doctor or a mental health professional.5. Give yourself creditStaying strong amidst challenging, painful circumstances can feel impossible, but weathering lifes storms is something you should be proud of. Maybe things have changed your perspective, taught you lessons, and forced your spirit and soul to grow. So believe in yourself through hard times, and believe in your capacity to heal, Chernoff says. Even more, appreciate your progress. Give yourself credit for your resilience and how far youve come, because youve lived and learned. Youve survived all of your bad days - and youre still here, growing.This article first appeared on Brit + Co.

Science says Complaining about your bad boss makes it worse

Science says Complaining about your bad boss makes it worseScience says Complaining about your bad boss makes it worseTheres nothing mora cathartic than a proper bitch session when your boss is being unreasonable, but the coworker you confide in has the power to hurt your career - and not in the way youd think.According to a recent study in the Academy of Management Journal, slamming your boss to a colleague, particularly a passive listener, can make you angrier, more pessimistic, and a worse employee.When people are upset, their natural inclination is to vent to someone who validates their feelings by saying things like, Wow, you were really wronged, says study author Michael Baer, a professor at Arizona State University. But that type of feedback isnt best if you want to get over a negative situation.In the two-part study, Baer and his team asked 170 bus drivers how fairly theyre treated by their supervisors, how they express frustration to coworkers, and the type of feedback they receive from their vent sessions.They found that drivers who vented to passive listeners - those who said things like, Youre totally right and Yeah, you got screwed - felt angrier and more unforgiving of their bosses, less optimistic that the situation would improve, and started slacking on the job.Their supervisors noticed. When researchers followed up with the bosses after a period of time, the above employees almost uniformly received poor reviews. These employees were less willing to go the extra mile at work, says Baer. Their lack of effort welchesnt conscious, but because they were angry, they were less motivated to impress their bosses.Things looked a lot different for the drivers who vented to colleagues who reframed their problems by saying things like, Maybe there was a reason for that, Things arent so bad, or What was your part in it?They did not get angrier, feel less hopeful or unforgiving, and their job performance didnt suffer after the conversation, says Baer.Simi lar results were proved in the lab - researchers assigned a group of students an anagram project to complete independently for five minutes, then asked the proctor to annoy the subjects by announcing that time was up after only three minutes. The proctor then said, The way I grade these is well, never mind. You dont need to know. Its not like undergraduates get or care about these things anyway and incorrectly graded the tests, giving only partial credit for peoples work.Once subjects were sufficiently pissed off, they were paired with people with either reframing or passive listening skills. While the former group still felt angry, they were more hopeful and forgiving the latter seethed, even refusing the proctors request to help clean the classroom before they left.Its absolutely true that venting feels good- sharing a painful experience can minimize sadness and anger, help sort through complicated feelings, and in cases where people share your pain (like colleagues who suffer u nder the same boss) complaining serves as a social glue.However, both parties are responsible for any negative outcomes and should try for a positive one. If a coworker is upset, do your best to have their back and ask objective questions that help diffuse their anger. It can be tough to strike the right balance between reframing and supporting the person, says Baer. But we still need to try.If youre the one complaining, ask yourself, Do I want to stay mad or move on? Research published in the Journal of Social Psychology found that complaining, but with the hope of problem-solving, can actually make people happier. Its also important to confide in the right person, says Baer. Or have a mix of people to talk to - one for venting and another whos good at helping you see things differently.Thispostoriginally appeared onShondaland.com.

A 1999 interview shares some useful advice from a young Elon Musk

A 1999 interview shares some useful advice from a young Elon MuskA 1999 interview shares some useful advice from a young Elon MuskAlthough America had yet to be overwhelmed by Elon Musk mania, in 1999, at age 28, he welches already a multi-millionaire. This fact is made all the mora impressive when you understand the virtues that foretold it.The success Musk has procured survives on an unyielding sense of conviction and a sober appreciation of risks. Selling his first computer program when he was only 12 years old, is the earliest testament of a knack for seeing shapes in landscapes out of focus for most. The erroneous prediction that commercialized trading on the internet was just flash in the plan nonsense seems beyond the pale of insanity in retrospect but that was the very much the censuses.An interview with the South African banker filmed in 1999 for a documentary about millionaires, at once evidences a young entrepreneur blissfully welcoming the upper echelon and the precocity that would see him build upon his place in it in subsequent years.Back in 95, there werent very many people on the internet. And certainly no-one was making any money at all. Most people thought the internet was going to be a fad.A year prior, Musk sold his online publishing company, Zip2Zip for $400 million dollars. He occasions his comprehension of the unbridled potential the internet has to transform the banking industry as one of the ways he doesnt fit the conventional archetype of a banker. He believes wealth should furnish opportunity. He makes a point not to allow financial success to be synonymous with the end of the journey. Musk is much more interesting in using his money to evolve and develop new promising companies.This is more especially a reference to X.com which many of you may know to be the father of PayPal. Musk reveals that he sunk the majority of his net worth into the fledgling company matter of factly. The statement is a token of his confidence, not an admissio n of some misguided dedication.The lesson to be learned from the formulation of companies like Tesla Motors and SpaceX isnt merely to see a thing through. Its, more importantly, a call to nurture an aptitude for determining whether or not a thing is worth being seen though. You dont play poker without first having an understanding of the rules and a general sense of strategy.The three and half minute interview ends with Elon Musk reiterating the idea of embracing stakes right before he and then-fiancee Justine Wilson speed off in his newly purchased McLaren (he makes a point to mention that he now owns one of 62 that exist in the world).The real payoff is the satisfaction of having created the company that I sold. Wilson leaps to remind the young Musk that the car is pretty fun too.